I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
