I think i peed on brittanys purse
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize