I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
