So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
