She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
