Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
