I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize