marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
