I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
