Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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