Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The adults are the big ones right?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
