I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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