Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm too high and old for this...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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