oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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