I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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