I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
