oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i barfeds in our rink
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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