forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was like eating out sand paper
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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