I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
