bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize