Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
