"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We smell like vodka and hangover
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
