I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then my night got REAL pukey
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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