Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize