He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
