So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
