I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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