We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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