party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
