Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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