Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
