i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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