finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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