I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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