I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
