somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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