I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
