We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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