So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
