I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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