don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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