we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
