I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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