she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
