Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
