just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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