why didn't you poke me back
If that was your dad, he is hot
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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