Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize