a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
