It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
