I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
