I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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