he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
