Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
