Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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