I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
