how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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