There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
