it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
