a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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