ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
