i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
