I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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