i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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