When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
