dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
