The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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