Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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