OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
