It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
