I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
