Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
