I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
