my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
