i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
