I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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