Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
