For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
