i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
