I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
