In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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