So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
