Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
