Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
