Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
