Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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