I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize