I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
