the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
