dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
