I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
