Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
