i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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