I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
