I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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