i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
