Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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