Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
