Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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