What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
