i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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