I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
