He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
