Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
