it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
