yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize