A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
