I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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