btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
